So I've been doing some reading lately... (Is anyone actually surprised?)




"Regina?"

I hate myself because his voice gives me hope in the place in my stomach that's most anxious, and then I hate myself even more because when I turn, seeing him makes that feeling worse. Or better. I don't know.

"I was looking all over for you," Michael says, causing another desperate hopeful twinge in my gut. "I wanted to talk to you. About last Friday."

"Okay," I say.

"I don't think we should hang around each other anymore."

He doesn't try to soften it or anything; he just says it. I don't think we should hang around each other anymore. Before I can even try to get a grip on it, he's saying more things I don't really want to hear.

"I wasn't fair to you. I let you sit with me at lunch and I let you do it for the wrong reasons and I should've known better--" He pauses. "--Even if you deserved it."

My mouth goes dry. "Great."

"Regina..."

"It's fine."

"I just think it would--"

"It's fine, Michael," I say.

"I can't..." He trails off. I don't even understand why he's still talking, because I said it was fine. "And you're really in it, and I just think it's bullshit. It's a waste of time."

"Okay," I say. "Thanks. I'll see you--" I laugh. "Oh wait, I won't."

"I'm just trying to give you a reason--"

"My life is bullshit. I got that part. And I deserve it. You don't need to say anymore. I got it."

"That's not what I--"

"Kara and Anna--total bullshit. Got it. And Donnie? That was total--"

I press my fingers to my lips before I realize what I'm doing. It's like my body won't accept calling it bullshit because it wasn't. What Donnie did to me is still with me. It doesn't go away. A horrified realization crawls across Michael's face, because he didn't think that far back, which is okay, because I didn't deserve that.

But it hurts.

"Regina--" He sounds stunned, like he can't believe he has to backtrack on his awesome speech about how my life is such bullshit. "Regina, I--"

"It's fine, " I repeat, stepping around him. "You don't owe me anything."

Summary: Climbing to the top of the social ladder is hard--falling from it is even harder. Regina Afton used to be a member of the Fearsome Fivesome, an all-girl clique both feared and revered by the students at Hallowell High... until vicious rumors about her and her best friend's boyfriend start going around. Now Regina's been "frozen out" and her ex-best friends are out for revenge. If Regina was guilty, it would be one thing, but the rumors are far from the terrifying truth and the bullying is getting more intense by the day. She takes solace in the company of Michael Hayden, a misfit with a tragic past who she herself used to bully. Friendship doesn't come easily for these onetime enemies, and as Regina works hard to make amends for her past, she realizes Michael could be more than just a friend... if threats from the Fearsome Foursome don't break them both first.

( God, this book is amazing. )




It's hard not to notice Terra Cooper.She's tall, blond, and has an enviable body.

But with one turn of her cheek, all people notice is her unmistakably "flawed" face. Terra secretly plans to leave her stifling small town in the Northwest and escape to an East Coast college, but gets pushed off-course by her controlling father.

When an unexpected collision puts Terra directly in Jacob's path, the handsome but quirky Goth boy immediately challenges her assumptions about herself and her life, and she is forced in yet another direction. With her carefully laid plans disrupted, will Terra be able to find her true path?
[from book jacket]


( North of Beautiful is just... beautiful. There's no better word for it. )





Ellie remembers how the boys kissed her. Touched her. How they begged for more. And when she gave it to them, she felt loved. For a while anyway. So when Josh, an eager virgin with a troubled home life, leads her from a party to the backseat of his van, Ellie follows. But their "one-time thing" is far from perfect: Ellie gets pregnant. Josh reacts with shame and heartbreak, while their confidantes, Caleb and Corinne, deal with their own complex swirl of emotions. No matter what Ellie chooses, all four teenagers will be forced to grow up a little faster as a result. Told alternately from each character’s point of view, this deeply insightful novel explores the aftershocks of the biggest decision of one fragile girl’s life — and the realities of leaving innocence behind.
[from book jacket]


( Still trying to gather thoughts on this one... )



--Anyway, sorry for book-spamming flist again. These are probably the last ones I'm reading for a while, since I've officially begun spring semester.

[OH! I WAS JUST SORTED INTO HUFFLEPUFF AT hogwartsishome. SO EXCITED!]

"Everyone has their awkward stage. Lanky, gawky, chubby, beanpole--whatever. It's just a phase, right? Except my awkward stage has stuck with me..."

Despite her charm and biting wit, 17-year-old Cyrie Bergerac doesn't have it all. Certainly not the heart of gorgeous and smart Eddie "Rox" Roxanninoff. Further complicating her crush is Cyrie's pretty but tongue-tied friend, Leyla, who admits that she's into Rox. When Leyla asks for Cyrie's help getting him to see her true self, Cyrie starts writing Rox e-mails about music and love and life... in Leyla's name.

Cyrie's got an armory of clever retorts for every lame insult that comes her way, but how do you get someone to know the real you if you can't show your face? Will the pain of watching her best friend hook up with her biggest crush cause Cyrie to face her worst fears and confess her love?

( Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I pulled down all the walls I've built up and just started fresh. No concrete. No spackling. No paint, even. Just me being me and not worrying about how I look or act or sound... )





( She was supposed to be a beacon for them all... *mild spoiler alert* )




Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events–Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!–Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive?


( Germs contagious. Contagion alert. But Edwart and Purell are stronger than dirt. )





...Sorry for the really long entry. I just thought this would be better than reviewing all these books in separate posts and spamming flists. Anyway, there's actually MORE, believe or not, but I still have to read them. I don't know if I mentioned this, but I'm too lazy to review them, so if you guys like awesome YA, realistic, contemplative stuff, check out Sarah Zarr's Once Was Lost and if you're into steam punk, awesome historical retellings, definitely read Scott Westerfeld's Leviathan, though keep in mind that this one is a series as well (yeah, I didn't know, so now I'm anticipating a sequel next October, though that is only a rumored release date). Happy reading, guys!

I was supposed to review several books in this post. I just finished Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl that I know several people have been asking about, but I don't think I have the energy to gather my thoughts about it right now. I'm still a little... disoriented.

I went to the bookstore today to read North of Beautiful. It's been missing from my library for over a year now (someone checked it out and never returned it) and it keeps getting sold out at the bookstores, but I actually saw a copy today. Then I decided I wouldn't read it yet because I want to buy it (later, when things are on sale because books these days are so expensive), so I was going to read Waiting for You by Susane Colasanti instead. But we ended up spending so much time looking through their humor/children's section (my sister wanted to get odd presents for some of her friends), and time just flew. I knew I'd never be able to finish it, so I went for the smaller book, Living Dead Girl by Elizabeth Scott. It's the ONE book of hers I have yet to read and it's really difficult to find, but Borders had it, so I was in luck.

I heard this book was "written beautifully, but absolutely haunting and too disturbing for words," a unanimous consensus. Every one-star review states this. Every five star review states this. The appreciation of the disturbing is what makes the difference. Basically, everyone agrees that this book is brilliant, but some just wish they had warning.

I had warning, but... I found it... alluring? The critiques interested me. The fact that I love this author and she wrote something SO bizarre interested me. It was just calling. I answered. Part of me wishes I hadn't...



"Once upon a time, I did not live in Shady Pines.
Once upon a time, my name was not Alice.
Once upon a time, I didn't know how lucky I was."

"Alice" is a fifteen-year-old girl who was abducted when she was really young, taken when she had been separated from her class by an older man ("Ray") at the aquarium. By threatening to harm her family (after lying to her about how he'll take her home to discover where she lives), he gets her to do whatever. For the first few years, she cries all the time. He forces himself upon her, abusing her both sexually and physically, and he starves her, wanting to keep her 'young' and 'childlike' all the time because that's what he likes. (Ray was sexually abused as a child by his mother, so he's a really disturbed human being. If you can even call him that. Seriously, I wanted to punch this guy every time I read about him because 'douche' and 'jerk' do not even begin to describe what scum he is.)

"They know I do not belong here, that there is something not right about me. But they will do nothing about it.
They still say nothing, ask no questions.
No one does. No one has.
No one ever will..."

By the time she's fifteen, she has pretty much given up hope that someone will save her. She knows she can't be saved, so when Ray tells her to find someone else to take her place (since "Alice" was getting too old), she's fine with it. Another little girl will lose her life, but at least now, "Alice" won't have to suffer. She recognizes, on some level, that this is wrong, but she's so far removed from reality by now that survival is all she cares about. Even if it means letting Ray torture her. Even if it means delivering someone else to him, so that he'd torture her less. Or maybe even let her go/kill her.

"I can see myself in the plastic and it waves me into a strange, distorted creature, the shadow of something or someone.
I look wrong. I look dead.
I'm not though. I'm only partway there, a living dead girl.
I have been for five years."

What is chilling about "Alice"'s story is that she is telling her story AS she is living it (beginning from when she's fifteen). This book is written in the present tense, first person, and many chapters begin with "once upon a time" (especially used to relate events of the past), and tell a story in a seemingly harmless way, but the things she's saying are so... disturbing. She lives in a distorted reality, but this reality is no fantasy world. This is OUR world, and that is what chilled me most. Elizabeth Scott uses short sentences, but her writing is so simple and to the point, her words so carefully chosen that they really are "beautiful" and "haunting." You hear about abductions and sexual assaults all the time, but what hit me most was NOT the content of this book, but... the imagery. Everything is so vivid, but this is both what is fascinating and disturbing about it.

This book is a five star book. It IS brilliant, and if you can stomach it, please give it a go. It's the kind of YA novel you don't necessarily want to read, but you SHOULD at one point in your life because this is some girl's story. This is real, and someone out there is living it, as the rest of the world pays no mind.

I'm not finished with this book. We had to leave the bookstore when I just hit page 80 (almost halfway through), and I'm a little glad we did. I don't think I would have stopped reading. I felt like I had to know what happened to this girl--the mark of a good writer. But well, it's almost New Years, I'm on Christmas break, and I was in SUCH a good mood before I started reading. I've never winced/cringed/made as many faces as I did today while reading this book under the span of an hour. My sister said I looked like I was in pain, and I think the mental anguish was just too much for me. I overestimated my mental strength. (But I think... a while from now... maybe after finals or midterms next term, if I'm given the opportunity to read it again, I'll go for it. 'Alice' remains in my mind haunting me, and she can't be freed until I know.)

I probably should be doing some school work or writing, but I started this book yesterday and literally could not put it down...




So your name is Cameron Smith and you suffer from an intense form of apathy. You're incredibly intelligent, but you don't try to get grades above straight Cs. You don't "experience" music; you only listen to it to mock it. You have no friends, you don't care about yourself, or anyone else. You can't connect with your dad, who is possibly cheating on your mother and spends more time with his physics than he does with his family, or your mom, who is basically a doormat living through stories and myths she teaches her students, or your twin sister, who was probably once your best friend and now is so above you on the social ladder that she barely says two words to you. You've never gone on adventures or parties or road trips. In fact, the only time that felt real to you in life took place when you were five-years-old and almost drowned in the Small World ride at Disney World.

And then suddenly, you find out you have mad cow disease (the human form), and you're most definitely going to die. So you receive a vision in the form of a punk rocker angel who tells you not to fret--there's a cure! You just have to take this kid to whom you've never spoken with you and look for random but connected clues and you'll find this doctor and all will be well. You think you're losing your mind (you are), but since you've suddenly decided that you don't want to die, you go along with it. Suddenly, you're doing things you never imagined--rescuing talking garden gnomes who swear it's their mission to return to this parallel dimension, trying to save the world through music and physics, crashing parties you've never dreamed of attending, being a participant on a reality show and winning a ton of money, attending a jazz concert and speaking with a legendary musician, wishing on the tree of wishes, falling in love, connecting with your sister, building friendships with the gnome and that guy you once didn't care to know in such a way that you can't imagine never laughing and joking and being with them at all. You don't realize it, but somehow, you begin to care, to care more about... everything like you never thought possible, and for the first time in your life since that time when you were five at Disney World, you're actually happy. You're not simply existing, you're alive and this makes all the difference.

Going Bovine is just absolutely brilliant. It's hilarious, witty, and thoughtful, and honestly, I never thought it would affect me as much as it did. I thought Libba Bray was crazy the first time I heard about this book, and of course, I still think that, but this is not a fantasy novel. It's realistic fiction disguised as fantasy fiction and science fiction with a dab of young adult, but honestly, under it all, it's just... real. Cameron is like so many people today--people who don't live, but merely exist. The existential questions in this book are what got to me the most. And that ending! She threw me for a loop with The Sweet Far Thing, and here she does it again! I don't know why I don't expect the unexpected from her anymore. Anyway, this novel is a ton of craziness mixed with meaningful messages and insight and awesome characters you want to take home with you, garden gnome included. It's like Peter Pan meets Don Quixote meets some story about parallel universe traveling, and the insane mixture is addicting. Just brilliant.

Go read it! :D

I know, I know--everyone on my flist is sick of hearing about Equus. But this is different! I had to read a play or poem of my choosing for my Poetics class, so I chose Peter Shaffer's Equus to read and honestly, I think I'm even more in love with this than I was before. There's something about Equus that's just so... real, even if the events described seem bizarre (though really, they're based on a true event) and completely insane. I can relate to everything Dysart says so well (which is something I noticed when I saw the stage production, but Richard Griffiths was sick that day, so I missed a lot of what he said--his character is so sarcastic that I absolutely love him. Reading the play was an interesting experience because--other than the fact that I heard Richard Griffiths' and Daniel Radcliffe's voices in my mind as I was reading their lines--the text is so focused on Dysart, while in the stage production(and I know this isn't just me--every critic said the same thing), Alan stole the show. I mean, it's the same words (minus my favorite one of Alan's jingles--he sings television jingles to irritate people so much that they leave him alone), but they just have a different effect both ways.





(Book Jacket) Summary: Alan Strang is a disturbed youth whose dangerous obsession with horses leads him to commit an unspeakable act of violence. As psychiatrist Martin Dysart struggles to understand the motivation for Alan's brutality, he is increasingly drawn into Alan's web and eventually forced to question his own sanity. In its remarkable 2008 production, Equus proves once again to be a timeless classic and a cornerstone of contemporary drama that delves into the darkest recesses of human existence.



Also, everyone should watch/listen to (at least the first minute or so of) this (because it's basically a jingle Dan wrote for Gypsy of the year and I love how he takes the seriousness of this story and just pokes fun at it).




Favorite Quotes
( Passion, you see, can be destroyed by a doctor. It cannot be created-LOTS of spoilers ahead! )


Seriously guys, read this. It's so awesome and complex and it really makes you think--but it's also fun, too! It's probably one of my favorite plays ever. Wholeheartedly, wholeheartedly recommended!

(By the way, in case anyone has misconceptions about this, Alan is not in LOVE with the horse. Yeah, okay, he rides it bare, but it's because he worships the horse like a god--it's a ritual act and the core of it is that horse and rider have nothing between them; they're one person. Only in extremity, but you'll realize why if you read this.)

Title: Epistulae Desiderantis
Author: amethysth
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Lily/James
Rating: G? PG? One of those.
Words: 2103

Summary: Suddenly, his lips press against hers—so slowly, so delicately—and she tries to ignore the feeling that this is goodbye. 'James will come back,' she persuades herself. 'I just know he will.'

Dedication: This is a gift!fic for obsessive_a101 because she wrote this amusing marauder piece for my belated birthday gift and I wanted to write her a gift!fic in return for her belated. (Also, I love how my birthday is your half birthday and so your birthday is my half birthday—it’s like treating myself! Haha.) I'm sorry it isn't a fandom you're actually in (since you can probably count the HP fanfics you've read on one hand), but I know you like Penelope and obviously you like Harry Potter, so this is the best I could do. For now.

—Also, it's dedicated to Lily and James Potter, for being awesome (and because Halloween marks the anniversary of their death, so it seems appropriate).



My Darling, James
James, My Love
Dear James,


She offers him the brightest and widest smile she can muster, and immediately his eyes fill with concern. He knows the gesture is halfhearted, that there are so many things she desires to scream at him at this very moment, but for reasons unknown to him, she forces the impulse away.

"I'll be fine," he starts to say, but Lily stops him.

"I believe in you."

Suddenly, his lips press against hers—so slowly, so delicately—and she tries to ignore the feeling that this is goodbye. ( 'James will come back,' she persuades herself. 'I just know he will.' )

The Miles Between, Mary E. Pearson

I picked this book up because I've read other novels the author wrote (Scribbler of Dreams and Adoration of Jenna Fox) and enjoyed them. So naturally I liked this one as well. I'm way too tired to write my own summary, so here's the one on the book jacket:



Destiny Faraday makes a point of keeping her distance from her classmates at Hedgebrook Academy. Her number-one rule: Don’t get attached. But one day, unexpectedly finding a car at their disposal, Destiny and three of her classmates embark on an unauthorized road trip.

They’re searching for one fair day—a day where the good guy wins and everything adds up to something just and right. Their destination: Langdon, a town that Destiny’s unsuspecting companions hope will hold simply a day of fun. But, as Destiny says, “Things are not always what they seem.” Only she knows that Langdon holds far more than that—a deep secret she has never shared with anyone.

Honestly, I don't know what I expected when I read this summary, but this book surprised me in so many (good) ways. Des is a refreshing protagonist. She's quirky, she's lonely, she's stand-offish, sarcastic, and she has family issues. But she also has this fascination with numbers--she tells true stories of fate and coincidence all the time (like how Lincoln and Kennedy were born a hundred years apart, died a hundred years apart, were succeeded by presidents with the same last names, who were also a hundred years apart, etc etc).

Other things I didn't expect: Parts of this novel were really sad. The first few chapters hint that they were heading in some sort of 'this is a sad story' direction, but there's this huge unexpected twist, and seriously, I did not expect it at all.

And a parting quote:

"Today defies explanation, but for me, life has never been explainable. It's been a lopsided, illogical, messy affair, where answers are in short supply, but maybe that's the way it is for everyone. Sometimes the fairness is all bunched up in one place, and all the injustice is bunched up in another, and sometimes it is all bunched up in the most improbable ways, but whatever you get, wherever you are, there are still moments that pin you to this world when you'd rather float away. Small, in-between moments, where there is magic and purpose and design and they are so perfectly beautiful they ache. Like all the in-between moments of today. Maybe the good guy doesn't always win. And maybe fairness doesn't always land where it should. But today felt good, deliciously and wonderfully good... And sometimes that's enough."

Recommended! :D

I wasn't going to read this initially because it was my first day of school and I shouldn't have been spending my free time at barnes & noble. But I did, and I'm so glad that I got this out of the way. This novel has been on my to-read list for months now, and I really just needed it out of my system.

So... Willow by Julia Hoban:



"I just figured out why someone would want to make the first mirror," Guy said.
"Why?" Willow asked
"I think some lover wanted his beloved to see how she appeared to him. He wanted her to be able to see herself the way that he did."


Imagine that you have this not-completely-together but relatively-happy life. Your parents are anthropologists and you and your brother have been all over the world studying and experiencing with them. You love to read, you love what your parents do, and you have this great relationship with your older brother, who is also pursuing the same field. Then one day, you and your parents are out and the weather has gone from 'stormy' to 'torrential downpour,' and although you're only sixteen years old, your parents are beyond tipsy and they ask you to drive. So you do, not realizing that in a few moments, the weather will be too powerful for you to make it through, and the car will crash, and ultimately you will survive... but your parents will not.

This is the story of Willow. Actually, this merely covers the background of Willow's story. The book is really about the aftermath of the crash: her new nonexistent relationship with her brother, the fact that she's behind in all her school work, the way she can no longer easily connect with people, her failure to cope with the thought that she will never have parents or anyone who cares for her in that way ever again, etc. She blames herself for their death (in fact, to her, it's not just blame--SHE killed them) and she's caught in a whirlwind of emotions, trapped in several worlds--"home" with her brother and his wife and infant daughter, school, work, and the minutiae of every day life--where she no longer belongs, and she's guilty that it's her fault that so much has changed since that night. Because she can't deal with the emotional pain, she inflicts physical pain to herself, cutting her leg, her stomach, mostly her arms, but only enough to make numb, and not enough to get noticed.

Unfortunately (it's actually very fortunate) for her, this eccentric guy--Guy (yes, that is his name)--is intrigued by her. He sees that she's lonely, can actually hold a conversation with her, and shares the same anthropological and reading interests, and accidentally discovers her secret. He's torn between wanting to tell in order to help her and keeping his promise that he won't, but he wants to understand her and earn her trust and so he stays with her, there when she needs him.

Although there were one or two parts of this novel that irked me slightly (mostly just three tiring comparisons), the story itself swept me away. I liked how refreshing the characters were. Willow was so much more than just a cutter, and it's interesting how two completely eccentric people could find each other, and although it took me a while to get used to his name, Guy has to be one of my favorite literary characters. Seriously, the way he handled everything, the way he handled her... It's realistic, and it's impressive, and I absolutely love him for it. This story is heartbreaking at times. Parts of it--two scenes in particular towards the end (one with Guy and one with her brother David)--are really emotional. The psychological depth is remarkable, and seriously, the way the romance is worked into all of this is just... It just fits so well. It's sad yet beautiful, and the ending is slightly unpredictable but equally amazing. Wholeheartedly recommended.

Thank you everyone for the lovely 'get well messages' you left my laptop, lol. The wire's actually still very much dead, but I've ordered a new one and it should be here sometime after school starts. My personal computer, on the other hand, back up and running and probably almost better than ever (it's five years old and it's been dead for a few months now, ever since my virus protection began spazzing out and occasionally refused to work, and then the computer got hit by a really bad virus that refused to let anything else function, and I just stopped turning it on. I suppose I should have had my brother look at it immediately--and I did ask--but he kept putting it off and eventually, I just started using my laptop, which was always reserved for schoolwork, all the time). Anyway, now that I have internet access once again and a living and breathing machine, I should be caught up to my flist really soon.

( In the meantime, here is another book review (yes, I basically spent the time I usually waste online catching up on my 'to read' list) )

You know that feeling when you read a good book and then it's so amazing that you can't stop thinking about it until ages afterwards--maybe until you find another good book to finally get your mind off of it? For me, Cracked Up to Be by Courtney Summers was this book--even before I ever got a chance to read it. I heard about this book a while ago, when I was browsing through those amazon lists of recommendations and the summary and the cover just grabbed me. Then when I failed to find it at my local Borders, or in either of the libraries closest to me (one actually had the book, but there was a wait list that still has not extinguished to this day), it started plaguing me. I would search for the book obsessively online (which was impossible because this book wasn't published in ebook format, or even in audiobook); I would look for it every time I went to any store selling books; I would compulsively check the library website to see if they had it available yet. I didn't even know if it was any good; I was just drawn to it and I couldn't get it out of my head. It wasn't until yesterday at B&N that I finally did see it and sat down and read it.

( ...What is the worst thing that you've ever done? )

As someone wrote in an editorial review, "Parker Fadley is a character you won't forget." You'll want to know more about her as you're reading the book and her thoughts and words will keep you on edge. She'll stay with you long after you've finished, and perhaps, you'll continue thinking about her even after you've reached the end. "The writing is breathtakingly unforgettable."

And I would quote the book here, but I actually don't own it, so I'll just keep it simple: Read this book. I wholeheartedly recommend it.